We always say, it’s the club that nobody wants to sign for.
At first glance, it sounds like the kind of football joke that belongs in a dressing room. But for SANDS United Basingstoke, the phrase carries a much deeper meaning.
The Hampshire football team was created to help men support one another following the trauma of baby loss. With more than 50 members, the club holds weekly training sessions and aims to play matches twice a month, offering its players something that goes far beyond football.
The team was founded by Stephen Kelly, who lost his daughter Amelia Grace Kelly in October 2020. For him, creating the club has provided a way to honour her memory while helping other men going through similar experiences.
It’s been an emotional journey, Kelly says, describing the club as something he can use to represent Amelia and keep her memory alive.
From Football Pressure to a Place of Safety
Among the players is Jack Wingate, whose family lost their son Oliver in 2021.
Wingate has a football background that includes playing academy level football for Reading FC before moving to AFC Wimbledon. Having experienced the pressure associated with professional football, he says SANDS United offers an entirely different environment.
At a professional club, it’s highly pressured, he explains. This is the complete opposite.
Players describe the team as a place where they feel welcome, safe and genuinely cared for an atmosphere that can be particularly important when people are dealing with grief.
The squad includes players with very different footballing backgrounds. Some, like Kelly, had never played football before joining, while others arrive with considerable experience.
Football Becomes a Support Network
For Barry Lee Harris, joining the team has helped him discover football while also giving him a positive way to cope.
The team trains every Wednesday evening, but the support doesn't stop when training ends. Players also have a group support chat where members can reach out when they are struggling.
Wingate says there have been occasions when several members have come together to support someone who was particularly in need.
For Lee Harris, the experience has encouraged him to talk more openly about his feelings.
He says he has gradually started opening up to other members of the group and values having people around him who understand what he has experienced.
Remembering Their Angels
For Kelly, the purpose of SANDS United is ultimately bigger than football results.
He has been nominated for a BBC Radio Berkshire Make a Difference Award in the Active category, with the ceremony due to take place in September.
The recognition has made him proud, but his biggest achievement is seeing the club become a source of support for other bereaved fathers.
Kelly says his hope is to give people an opportunity to represent their own angels while finding a positive outlet for an extraordinarily difficult experience.
And that gives the club's tongue in cheek description , the football club that nobody wants to sign for , an entirely different meaning.
Nobody joins SANDS United because they want to experience the reason the club exists. But once they arrive, they find teammates, friendship and a community where they do not have to face their grief alone.
On this team, the biggest victory isn't what's written on the scoreboard , it's knowing that someone is there when you need them.